Chain of Love

I was watching her again. That little girl I am going to save. She's doing ok. But still. I want to save her.

Sammy yelled at me again last night. that's all hes been doing lately. Not like it makes a difference. Actually I am kind of enjoying how angry he gets. His face turns all red and blotchy and the vein in his neck sticks out and pulses. But he won't listen. He just yells and I just tune him out. I can't explain to him why. He won't let me get a word in.

Last night though, he actually stormed off. He just yell-asked why i didn't call the police. I just kind of stared at him. It hadn't occurred to me. daddy has always said that the police were for people who didn't have the resources to fix their own problems. He got mad at that answer. and stormed out of the room. Not really sure where he went but he came to bed much later than normal.

I've started tearing out the basement. I'm going to put in a whole kitchen and dorm-like rooms. When that's done the kids will come. Starting with that little girl.

The pool is finished. I've even made part of it into a kitty pool. I already feel as though the kids are mine. I haven't even met them yet, but I want them to call me mom and I love them. I do. Even without meeting them I love them. Everything has to be perfect for my babies.

Sam may not understand now, but he will when he sees these kids. He may be all business and work, but I remember the soft-hearted guy I fell in love with. Before he knew my family was rich. Before I was crazy.